I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
