I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
