The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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