someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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