I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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