do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
