hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
