my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
