Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Cover your peen. We're going out.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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