why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
