I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
