I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
