bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
