Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She's the barista slut.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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