My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
