just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
