didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
