its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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