Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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