I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
