does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
