I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
