We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
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Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
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This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize