Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
