You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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