So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
