I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
