when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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