At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
