Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
