you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
