Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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