what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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