I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
