Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
