btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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