i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize