hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize