I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she looked like the before picture.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You are a genius and a whore.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
