If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
don't judge my taste in strippers
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
