If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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