I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
