just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
