Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize