She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
