Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize