Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
