Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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