Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
