WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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