when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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