shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
