i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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