dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
