I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dicks are not precious.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
