Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
