Will you blow on my dice?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
