its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
