i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
