Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
