he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
