honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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