i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The air was thick with penises
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
