dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I won't apologize to a one balled man
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
