you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
