You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
