and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
