well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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