Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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